Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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