What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
