Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
