He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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