Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
