Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
