Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
