i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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