I accidentally had phone sex last night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
