I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
