Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
