So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
