Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He has the fingertips of a God
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