I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am one with the molecules
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize