if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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