You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
