i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
