bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
