Cold hands, warm shart.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
