Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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