We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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