His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
