Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
