You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
