i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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