"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
