He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
