so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
