I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
