I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
