He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
