Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
