You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
