i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
