I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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