my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
