I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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