hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
