I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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