No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
