i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
