I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm both gender and math confused
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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