bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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