If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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