So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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