Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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