Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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