I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
