I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
high people should be assigned attendants
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
