I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
