There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
