I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
