i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
