Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
