She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
