My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
