I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My vagina is officially offended.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
