somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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