My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
