dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to calm my uterus...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
