hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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