Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
