The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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