Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
