Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
True strength comes from lack of pants
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
